feeling sad

Hello again bloggers/readers (that is of course if anybody besides me is actually reading this and I thank you dearly if you do read my rambling nonsense). Quick update on my life and how I have been these last few days - unfortunately I took really ill on return from Zakynthos and have been bed ridden for a whole week now with a really awful cough and light headedness etc. It's been a really awful week health wise and I mean that physically and mentally. It's been a tough one and thank god it's come to a close.
No doubt my sickness has taken it's toll on my mood and it's a real shame really because the weather has been absolutely wonderful. This grouchy mood resulted in an argument with the person I love the most in the world and regrettably I spent from late evening until the early hours of the morning in a state that used to be very familiar to me when things... weren't so great. It was frightening to see how easily that side of me could sneak back into my life. The paranoid and scared and alone draped in cynicism me awoke with sore eyes and a heavy head this morning.  It's overwhelmingly frightening to me to realise just how much I care about this one person. A molecular structure of atoms who no different to any other human walking the earth at this very second has the power to completely alter my mood and life with mere words, or more accurately, lack of them. For a very long time, pardon the cliche, everything about my life was incredibly dark. My moods, my thoughts, my general consciousness was bleak and pale and days passed me by like strangers on the streets and I was stuck in the same old rut of nothingness and pinned fake smiles until I was alone again and my true self would spill out. But meeting this person completely altered how I felt and dealt about and with things. From late winter to now my time has been consumed by the most wonderful person I have ever met. A thousand poets and paintings couldn't describe him to his true wonderfulness if they tried. I'd compare him to stars and writers and other beautiful things the world possesses if I thought they could match - but alas, they don't. What I have is a dark glittery eyed companion who fills me with the deepest happiness and wonder.  Sometimes it's all I can do to watch him from the folds of his duvet go about his day , getting dressed and standing in the mirror, drying his hair, all moments I wish I could capture and rewatch at a later time when I'm feeling alone. I love watching his eyes light up when he smiles at me, holding his hand as we walk down the street I can feel eyes of other girls burn into him and he doesn't even realise. He doesn't realise that clasping the palm of his hand is a bundle of insecurity and sadness which only he can remedy. Because it's true, nothing makes me feel more alive than even just listening to rain and music and lying in our mess and filth. From the laces of his Vans to his long dark eyelashes and everything in between; I love him. I love the small things that connect us to each other, like our matching freckles on our hands and feet, and our warped sense of humour.I love him enough to give me all of me, the good and the bad and he takes it. He never asks for more. There's nothing I wouldn't do to have him in my proximity. I love sitting in his jumper breathing in his smell combined with that of baking as we intertwine our bodies on the sofa in silence. The silence is one of the most beautiful things about us. Not that I don't love our talks, I appreciate every second we are talking, but our silences fill the gaps between those conversations and they almost tell him without words how grateful I am to have such a wondrous  person to call my own.